Lizzie’s Neighborhood

On Sunday, Aaron and I went down to Monroe, LA. for a church meeting.  We got lost and were 45 minutes late (to a 2 hour meeting).  After the meeting we went to a park with some people from church and had a picnic.  I ate pasta salad, a roast beef sandwich Aaron made (he made his own, really good bread!), and caffein-free coke.  I haven't had coke in years.

                                                                                                    (Reaction to video taped lesson #1 on 6/26/2008)

My very first reaction was "wow, it's not that bad!" I was expecting to really hate watching myself, but it didn't end up bothering me at all.  My voice was weird and I felt pretty bad that the students had to hear so much of it.  I really think I would be much more effective if I could deliver a lesson in a third as many words.  That way, what I do say will pack more of a punch and the students won't get confused with all the extra fluff.

I video taped myself on a review day.  Since it wasn't a normal lesson, I skimped out on the set.  This was a big mistake.  In the past I had pretty good sets and, even though I used to think they were kinda pointless, now I'm realizing that they really do focus the kids.  I also noticed that on days where I don't have a very structured plan, I tend to get pretty scattered.  I'm hoping that when I've been teaching a bit longer I'll be able to "improv" better, but as of now, I really need thorough lesson plans.

The lesson I filmed took place last week when I was just beginning to realize the problem I had with assessments.  Since then I've really tried to do better, but I still have issues.  I don't do enough informal assessments and so when it comes time for the formal assessments, the students struggle.  Then I feel crappy for not teaching them better and so I help them too much and then the assessment suddenly isn't so formal anymore.  I have been working on this though, saving lots and lots of time for informal assessments.  I've also tried to make formal assessments that are very structured so that I am less likely to forget them (homework questions) or be tempted to help too much (like on a quiz).  I think this is something that I'm actually improving on and that makes me happy since I tend to get stuck in ruts where I just can't improve.  I guess the good news is that I haven't been teaching long enough to have any ruts.

Strengths - the kids were actively involved, there was a very positive environment, I had a lot of energy, the kids seemed to learn something.  I've heard people say that they watch themselves and realize that they say "like" or "um" a million times, as far as I could tell I didn't do anything like that - woo hoo!   Also, as far as I can tell, I don't do the weird swishy hand move anymore (my second year said I did it a whole bunch my first day), so that's a bonus.

Overall, watching the video didn't really reveal anything that I didn't already realize I did (I usually notice stuff I do wrong as I go and remember it).  It was good, however, to see what the evaluators see and where they're coming from when they grade me.

This book (The Reluctant Disciplinarian by Gary Rubinstein) was interesting because it reflected a lot of the same ideas and strategies we've been learning about in class.  That was somewhat comforting because many sources of help for teachers are very conflicting.  I don't mind this too much because I like being able to sort through lots of ideas and pull out the ones I think will work for me.  I also like all the different approaches to teaching because it comforts me to know that when I fail miserably, there will inevitably always be new strategies to try.  The part of my brain that desperately needs clear, exact instruction in annoyed and apprehensive (worrying that I will choose the worst parts of all the techniques), but will get over itself.  The mix of specificity and vagueness I'm finding in teaching reminds me of studying geology - yes it is a science with hard and fast rules, but at the same time no one really knows the right answer and every good guess is valid.  I like that.  I like being able to say, "Wow that's an interesting suggestion, maybe I'll try it some time.  But for me, this is working now."

I think it's funny that one of the teacher advice pages in the back of the book had a section about how new teachers should practice their delivery.  Yesterday I watched my videotaped lesson and thought the same thing about myself.  I think that the way teachers speak, gesture, stand, and signal to the class is very closely related to the effectiveness of their classroom management.  I'm going to talk about this more in my video reflection blog.

One part of this book that really made me think was the discussion over whether smiling in the classroom is good or bad.  I know that I tend to be too casual and very expressive, both in and out of the classroom.  My kids (usually) know when I think something is funny and what mood I'm because I'm apparently really bad at hiding it.  Thus far, this has worked out alright for me because the kids get that sometimes I'm willing to have fun learning and sometimes I want a quiet, serious environment.  I know that when I have many, many, many more students this will not work out until they get to know me, and maybe not even then.  So, even though the author was joking about the whole not smiling thing, I think there is some merit there to not showing the kids all of your cards.  Especially because I like what the author said about how important it is to like all of your kids and to never let a kid know (or suspect) you don't like them.  I had a teacher that openly told me he didn't like me in high school and I lost all respect for him.  I remember thinking "What kind of immature, self-centered adult can't keep their emotions in line and has to take out their anger on a kid because they're paranoid and take everything so personally"?  

However, I have almost always been in situations where I have felt comfortable talking to my teachers as equals and I have come to expect genuinely honest, adult conversation from them.  I don't want to offend my students because I am unwilling to be there for them.  The problem with this, is that I think it is crucial that the students respect me (at least in action) and it is hard to expect respect when I often find myself laughing at a joke.  I am very good at not laughing, when I choose to.  I just don't think I shouls swing back and forth every other day between laid back teacher and strict, impersonal teacher - the kids should be focused on learning, not focusing on what kind of mood I'm in from day to day.

I also find it a potential problem that I tend to tell a lot about myself.  I liked in the book when a student asked the author if he was married and he said "I don't know."  If I were a student I would be thinking my teacher was seriously weird if he felt that something as basic as marital status was too personal to tell someone.  I think I error more on the side of revealing too much of my personality, not my life story.  I will tell kids random things I like or don't like, things that are hard for me to figure out, stuff I think is really cool, and things I hate for no particular reason.  This kind of openness could go either way, but I think I agree that it is probably a good idea to hold off on painting myself as a weird, faulted, interesting person right off the bat.  I'll let the students figure that out on their own.

Today during the classroom management presentations, I picked up some interesting things I am going to think about using in my classroom.  I've been trying to think of a way to manage classroom volume without having a "you must raise your hand to speak" rule (because I hate having to punish kids for being interested in class).  Today I heard about using hand signals to clue the kids as to how I want them to answer - point to my head when I want them to think about it silently, raise my hand when I want them to, and make inclusive hand motions when I want them to call out appropriately.  I was pretty excited about hearing this method because I think I can handle using my hands a lot (since I do it already).

I also learned that being intense/literal with the rules the first week is really important.  I felt so bad having to give one of my kids detention for being 3 seconds late twice, but they are so, so, so careful not to be tardy anymore.  I think that is going to be one of the things that will be hard for me- punishing kids for doing things I don't think is even bad.  I do believe, however, that having a very ordered classroom where the kids know what to expect will benefit them more than my being loose with the rules.

One other thing I picked up from the second years is that I need to maintain the general teacher persona throughout the day - not just during class.  I'm not really used to being in professional situations and I tend to be too casual in how I interact with others.  I need to work on being more formal by introducing myself, saying "good morning" (not just mumbling something awkwardly as I pass someone in the hall), and just acting like a real adult all around. I think that this will grow on me in time.  I've always been in situations where I feel like equals with my parents and teachers and people at church - so I never really had a chance to adopt the "I'm talking to a grown up and I need to act like it" habit.  I just watched the lesson I recorded of myself teaching, and I sounded like a dork at times; I can tell that I'm going to need to work on this trait immediately.

The very first questioning technique I tried was asking the students a higher level question, having them jot down an answer, and then calling on them to hear what they were thinking.  This one appealed to me right away because when I was in school I always wanted to participate in class, but didn't like the feeling of sharing an answer before I could think it through.  By the time I could work up the confidence to raise my hand, the teacher would have already moved on or called on someone else.  I thought that if I (a relatively involved, if not slightly nerdy student) felt this way, surely there must be at least one other person out there with the same issues.  I carefully prepared a question ahead of time and when the right point in the lesson came, I told the students that I would ask them a question and I wanted them to write down the answer (while emphasizing that I would not be collecting it and that any idea is valid).  The students looking only slightly confused when I asked the question and then, when I urged them to write, most of them came up with surprisingly well thought out answers.  I liked that I was completely justified in calling on all students to share their answers since they all had something written down.  I learned from this that, although some students may have a hard time instantly parroting back information, they are more than capable of thinking and trying to make sense of the material. 

During my first evaluation I was told that I should vary my questioning (not just doing it all by volunteer - which is hard when you have good students who are so willing to volunteer).   I wasn't comfortable doing this at first because I know how much I hate being called on to ask a question I don't really know the answer to when the kid next to me gets called on to answer "my question" (the thing I had the perfect answer for).  But, from the teacher's standpoint, I realize that if you only ever hear from the kids who know they know the answer, you're not getting a correct assessment of the class's knowledge.  Today I used the cold calling technique where I had all of the student's names on cards and drew them at random in a long series of fast paced questioning.  I think this would have struck more fear into the hearts of the students if there were more than four students and they didn't go into the class knowing they were going to have to answer 25% of the questions asked all day.  I worried that this wouldn't go smoothly because the kids in my class like volunteering so much (even if just to ask us to rephrase the question).  However, they did great!  It only took one question before they realized that putting their hands up wasn't going to get them called on any faster.  None of them ever yelled out an answer (even the painfully easy answers), that really surprised me.  One thing that I noticed was that I had to stop and reshuffle the deck every couple minutes because with only four names (20% of our class was absent today) it started getting really obvious whose name was up next, thus taking the surprise out of the whole thing.

Basically, I was really happy with how both of the techniques turned out.  I think that they will both work out well in a full sized class too, and that is what really makes me happy.

Reaction to Delta Autumn

Here's how I read this book - I started reading the first section on the history of education in Mississippi, then I decided to skip ahead to the parts about teaching (since I was about to start teaching), then I finished reading the history section once I finsihed the rest of the book.  I think I stumbled onto a great method for reading this book.  The first part of the history section was very interesting, but very despressing.  The other chapters were insightful, but also depressing because they read like a list of things that are bound to let new teachers down.  I finished on a positive note, however, because I read the end of the history section last.  I was eager to read the portions of the book that were supposed to offer support and help for new teachers, but they ended up just being lists of people at the schools to bug for help.  While I do appreciate the take-away message that every school is disorganized (to varying degrees) I would've liked a little more insight as to how to approach these people, where to find them, when we're supposed to be meeting them, and how to make ourselves a part of the school community.  I'm sure that once I get to the school this book will be useful, but I felt like the book could've given a little more advice on how one gets to the first day of school.  I'm left with the question "If it's going to be so horrible, what can I be doing now to prepare myself?"

I liked the sections on classroom management and the good suggestions on how to difuse tense situations.  I wish that I could remember everything the book had to say, but I feel like I'm going to have to keep the book on hand and just remember to pull it out when I have to take care of problems as they arise.  Being prepared is good, but I feel that this book would be better used as a reference. There is just too many facts to be able to pull any one out randomly and apply it on the spot.  I feel like now that I know a little more about lesson planning, classroom management, and rule making, I should re-read the applicable portions of the book so that I can put it to use. 

Now that I've been in the classroom, I really appreciate the information given in the "Student Expectations of First-Year Teachers."  The parts about keeping your personal life out of the classroom, being dependable, wearing clothes that are less interesting than your lesson, keeping your composure, and how the students want to be challenged are things that are general enough that I can keep them in the back of my mind. 

I feel the more specific tips, such as the information in the chapter on science, will come in handy later on when I've gotten to know the needs of my class this fall.  I like the suggestions to tell stories about historical discoveries.  In college, one of my professors was famous for the story he'd tell about Milutin Milankovitch.  He'd take students to Zion National Park (in Southern Utah), hike them up onto the side of Checkerboard Mesa during sunset, and then tell his story Milankovitch.  We all loved hearing him tell the story and by the time we graduated, most of us geology majors had heard the story so many times we could tell the story word for word ourselves.  I think that story telling can be a fun, nonthreatening, and memorable teaching style.

Once I finished the rest of the book, I went back and read the end of the Mississippi histroy section.  I picked up where the book told of the Mississippi Education Reform Act of 1982 and then went on to tell about the creation of the Mississippi Teacher Corps.  It was very uplifting to finally read something in the book that made it sound as if there's a chance the situation in the Delta can be improved.  I'm glad that I am here to learn about the history of the Delta and that I'm getting the opportunity to be a part of that history.

Tonight I walked home from the library.  It was dark already.  It was 8:45 but it was dark & warm & nice for walking.  As I walked home I could hear the sounds of college kids screaming in the distance & having a good time.  I was all alone on the dark sidewalk, contemplating how the day went and enjoying my walk when a lightening bug flew in front of me and flashed its little lights at me.  It was weird, thinking I was alone, and then getting surprised by the little bug.  I guess he (it looked like a 'he' bug to me, but I'm no professional) was telling me to get used to the idea of losing virtually all of my alone time.  While here in Mississippi I will spend hours with middle schoolers everyday and then come home and hang out with Aaron & then I'll go to sleep and then start it all over again the next day.  It's a good thing I like hanging around Aaron all the time.  It's funny that when I was little I spent hours and hours alone everyday (and hated it) & now it's the other way around.  I enjoy being with people (people I like), it just takes a lot of energy out of me. I like the lightening bugs in Mississippi.  They're the kind of thing I wish was around when I was a kid.

pluses:
+ I'm not nearly as tired today as I thought I would be from the 14 hour day.
+ I passed the first CPR test!
minuses:
- There's only one kid enrolled in our sumer school class so far. I was really looking forward to getting some actual classroom experience (with actual studentS).

Write about your first week in the Mississippi Teacher Corps.  What are your first impressions?  How has the transition been?  What questions do you still have?

The first two blogs I wrote pretty much summarize the physical aspects of my move to Mississippi and my first impressions of the South.  Those were really easy to write because I was frustrated and whiny and not all too serious.  I've been putting off this blog because I'm not sure I've really been able to process much of this experience yet.  My whole life "The South" has been such a vague collection of ideas about heat, accents, race relations, and lifestyle that I never really felt it existed for me because I was (am) an outsider.  One of my biggest fears is that my status of "outsider" will counteract any small progress I try to make in the classroom.  I don't want to be seen as someone who is coming from the North to save the South.  Or an educated person coming to save the uneducated.  Or a white person coming to save the black people.  Partially because I don't want that to come between me and my students and partially because I don't feel qualified enough to "save" anyone.  I am a person and I want to help other people.  I like science and I want to teach others that science is enjoyable, useful, and comprehensible.  The reason I came HERE to help and to educate is because I feel that this is the place that most needs help and education.  As an American I am ashamed that such disparity exists in my own country & I feel I would be a hypocrite to complain about something and then turn around and ignore it.  My being here, in the MTC, is my way of not ignoring it any longer. 

This last week has reminded me of my personal shortcomings.  Before coming here I knew that I would eventually have to overcome my inexperience & awkwardness, I'm just hoping now that these shortcomings don't negatively affect the students' learning.  I just hope that while I'm here I don't affect anyone negatively, because then, two years of my life will have been completely in vain.

I always have more questions left unanswered.  Mostly this is because they are questions that I need to figure out on my own.  I also have a million questions about the small details of how things will run because I over think and worry about everything.  Do I need to dress up on Monday?  How will I make a curriculum map on my own in the fall when the seconds years did it for us this time?  Should I have asked to get out of class tonight because I'm driving to Atlanta RIGHT after class for my friend's wedding?  Were they sure when they said we can't wear open toed shoes?  Why not?  Believe me, there is nothing scandalous or unprofessional about my toes (not that I have any nice open toed shoes anyways...).  When will I find out what grade I'm teaching in the fall?  Why are there no geology lesson plans on the MTCWiki when I'm fairly certain that "geology" existed last year?  What if I don't find a house to live in in Greenville/Leland?  What if my MTC experience turns out like "Dangerous Minds" and I'm Michelle Pheiffer and one of my students dies in a shooting and I have to take another one out to dinner and they all quote Bob Dylan?  What if I HAVE to go to the bathroom in the middle of a lesson?  What if I lose my temper and tell a kid to shut up?  What if I'm the worst teacher ever, but I still want to stay in the program because I'm completely blind to that fact - will you tell me or will you just wait until I graduate and then hope I promptly leave the teaching profession?

I don't really feel that I can comment of the transition yet because I don't really feel that a transition has occurred.  I still live in a one bedroom, one bath apartment with my husband.  I still eat the same things for dinner that I did back home.  I still play on the internet and talk to my parents just as infrequently on the phone.  Walking around a wealthy, well manicured college campus is nothing new to me.  Going grocery shopping with many different types or people is not new to me.  I feel that the first day I teach will be my first transition and then moving to Greenville will be my second.  Then my life will start changing.

My first impressions are only that I don't belong here in Mississippi.  And then again, in some ways I do.